How Do You Know

A choice is to select or pick by preference; to prefer or decide; to want or desire

People make decisions every day about a myriad of situations. What should I eat today? Should I drink this fifth cup of coffee? What should I wear? Couldn’t I just stay in my pajamas today? Which movie should I watch? Where should I live? Will I regret it if I don’t finish my master’s degree? Should I look for a new job? Should I start my own business? What type of person should I settle down with? If I choose homeschooling for my child, will it be the right choice?

Everything in life is a choice.

But how do you decide? How do you know which option to take? Should you base your choice on how it will affect you? Or should you consider how it will affect the people closest to you? Should you decide based on its level of difficulty or ease? Maybe you make a list of pros and cons to help you decide.

After debating with yourself for a period of time or seeking advice from a friend or professional, you finally make a decision, fully believing it is the right choice. It is the best choice for all potential outcomes. Suddenly you face difficulties you didn’t think about when you were making your decision. Following through with this “right” choice is full of challenges and obstacles that you hadn’t anticipated, or they require significant effort on your part that you’re not sure you can give. How do you proceed?

Now you face new decisions. Should you give up? Should you try a different tactic? Should you seek out a professional to help you through this? Who will it affect if you don’t follow through with your choice? Should you even care about how it will affect others in your life? What will other people think of you if you give up? Should you even care what others feel or think?

There’s a movie that comes to mind called How Do You Know from 2010 starring Owen Wilson, Paul Rudd, and Reese Witherspoon. Nobody in the movie directly asks the question “How do you know?” but the events that take place show various people facing a turning point in their lives, who then struggle with what the right next steps for them should be.

Paul Rudd’s character, George, is forced to deal with a federal investigation of his business because of choices his father made. Should George take the wrap for his dad, or should he let his dad face the consequences of his actions?

Reese Witherspoon’s character, Lisa, is cut from her softball team and needs to determine what to do with the rest of her life. She meets a professional baseball player, Matty (played by Owen Wilson) who she goes on a date with, and then she is set up on a blind date with George. Both Lisa and George are right at the cusp of major turning points in their lives. Adding to the choices that Lisa now faces is which guy is better for her. She enjoys spending time with both guys, but they are quite opposite in character.

How do you know what to do? How do you know what is “right” for your life – your future?

A choice needs to be made. She has to decide who she prefers. But choosing one guy means leaving the other guy – and making such a choice is difficult because she cares about both of them and doesn’t want the other to feel unwanted. Ultimately, she has to decide which guy brings out the best in her. Which guy does she feel the most like herself with when they are together?

The level of decision-making going on in this movie prompted serious personal reflection. I, too, am at the cusp of change. Choices need to be made. Not all of those choices are mine, but they will still affect or influence decisions I am grappling with.

I may not be ready to make some decisions yet, but this I believe to my core: Sometimes the hardest things in life are the only things worth doing—the only things worth fighting for. So, if everything is a choice, how do you decide?